So many debates, so many philosophies, so many beliefs..... Most of them preaching a lot of stuff in their own flavours. And all of them have a lot of believers. I have always believed strongly in the fact that "As long as you don't spoil anyone else's life or wreck anyone else's family or make sure that no one is hurt by your actions, your life will still be good and everything good or bad happens for a reason." I have always felt that it is for one's own satisfaction and happiness that one does good deeds like charity, social service and other philanthropic stuff. I never seriously had any logic to believe that these good deeds will give us a good life or will make our next life better though I somehow accepted without reasoning that the moment you make another person's life miserable it will definitely come back to you. At least that is how I judge, decide and gauge what is right and what is not.
The last few conversations that I had with her were about me being a guy in the head, she said that things always have to make sense to me for me to accept them. This makes it all the more difficult for me to accept that she is not with us anymore. Why create a life, give it all the goodness of a great family, good friends, nice culture etc ? Why make her so sweet that she touched so many lives? Why make her a believer and get her to good deeds like spread the word of GOD and then take back her life in a cruel unjustifiable manner when she is barely 30? Why give her so much suffering and make all her near and dear ones suffer by looking at her misery when she won't even knowingly hurt a fly? Is it because of the bad deeds that everyone else around her committed ? Is it a punishment to all others around her to miss her so dearly? If that is it what did the new life created by her commit already even before coming out of the incubator to be deprived of it's mother's love and care?
I do not know what to tell her mother, father, husband and sister. I have no words of consolation cause there is nothing in here that they can be consoled with. This is not just some unfortunate fate, this is total injustice. If only she had to go why make her suffer in her last few days on earth? Images of her right after the first few days of radiation therapy will keep haunting me all though this life. I have only one thing to tell her countless other friends and relatives who did not get to meet her in last few days, be happy that all your memories about her are always those of her being happy.
This is not going to turn me into a non-believer. But it will definitely get me thinking again if it really makes sense to believe that your life will be good if you don't hurt others and everything does happen for a reason. Cause seeing a lot of sinners around us being happy is still no reason for us to loose hope but when one good person faces a fate that he/she should not have faced it shakes the very beliefs that your faiths are built on..................
Cannot convince myself that you are gone Arthi..... :( :(